It is true that I chose to love Lucretia then. Two years later, I am unwilling to free myself from this sentiment. I think sometimes I’ve wanted to. At certain times I’ve resented her for something beyond her control, a feeling that was completely my own. But somehow we’ve made amends and what it took was me telling her that I missed her. I talk to her once a week (usually.)
But I still travel more than I know she could reasonably bear. I am also planning to move almost 400 miles away from her since I have no other choice. With all that has happen to me in the past two years, I cannot continue to live in the city of my birth. I don’t know if she would consider joining me where I will be for the next five years, however, knowing the selfishness of this desire prevents me from making any requests of her.
So I try not to think about it because it is not a possibility.